Drugs are chemicals. When someone puts these chemicals into their body, either by smoking, injecting, inhaling, or eating them, they tap into the brain’s communication system and tamper with the way nerve cells normally send, receive, and process information.

Our brains are wired to make sure we will repeat healthy activities, like eating, by connecting those activities with feeling good. Whenever this reward circuit is kick-started, the brain notes that something important is happening that needs to be remembered, and teaches us to do it again and again, without thinking about it.   For example, we instinctively associate eating with not feeling hungry.

But drugs of abuse “hijack” the same circuit. They imitate the natural “feel good” and crank up feelings of pleasure by causing large amounts of a brain chemical called dopamine to flood the system.  This flood of dopamine causes the “high” or intense excitement and happiness (sometimes called euphoria) linked with drug use. 

By comparison, the “natural” reward system is a trickle of dopamine, a mere whisper. 

The first time a person uses drugs, it’s usually a free choice they’ve made. However, repeated drug use causes the brain to change. Now the person seeks out and uses drugs over and over, despite negative effects such as stealing, losing friends, family problems, or other physical or mental problems brought on by drug use—this is addiction.  The word “addiction” is derived from a Latin term for “enslaved by” or “bound to.”  

The addict’s choice to ‘pick’ drugs over you and your relationship are not personal. They would do it to anyone – and they probably do. Drugs do not simply matter more than you – they matter more than everything in this world – food, water, shelter, health, career, stability, their reputation, family, everything. So you see, it is not you specifically.  

Source: https://kleantreatmentcenters.com/Why-Your-Addict-will-always-Choose-Drugs-over-Love 

Key thought: It is not personal. An addicted brain is a changed brain. 

Practical take-home: You cannot fix someone’s addiction through argument, punishment, or appeals to love. You can’t stop an addict from using. Not by loving them or threatening them. You can protect yourself and the children.

No worries. Take a look at Dr. Dan Siegel’s “hand model” of the brain. It is useful way to understand how the basic parts of the brain work together–and what happens when they don’t!

Close your hand into a fist so that your thumb is tucked under your fingers. If you look at your hand from the side, you will notice that your fist looks somewhat like the brain. Your fingers are the frontal cortex –behind your forehead–and your wrist is the brain stem. The fingers wrapped over the thumb correspond to the frontal cortex which is where we do most our thinking, and choice-making. It’s our thinking cap. Here’s where the brain says, “NO!”

The thumb down deep inside the “brain” is the brain’s alarm system with the job of watching for signs of danger–and for opportunities to feel good. It is also vital to memory and reward seeking.  This is where the brain says, “GO!”

In a healthy brain, there is strong communication and connection between these brain parts, and the cortex manages to “think” about feelings and emotions coming from lower brain.

But drugs can interfere with normal pathway of connection—lift your fingers.  Thus someone may lose the ability to make good decisions and instead act on the unfiltered signals coming from below. 

Where is that child go?

Poem by Danez Smith